The Missing Yasha
by Ieva
Summary: What happens when Inuyasha gets kidnapped by squirrels...while I'm supposed to be watching him? Complete (The first fic I ever wrote, so not too good. Funny though.)
1. Babysitting a Hanyou Is Not Easy

_Author's Note: You should know that I keep Jack Sparrow and Cloud(FF7) in my closet.  Brownie Child is a fellow Sci-Fier who keeps a whole lot mere guys than me, one of which is Inuyasha.  I also have green Aisha ears in this story (if you don't know what an Aisha is, the ears look like long antennae with spade-shapes on the ends). I am also the goddess of winter (or ice mage if you prefer), so I can ice people/things. That will be all._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.  Or Cloud.  Or Jack Sparrow. _

The Missing Yasha: Part 1 – Babysitting A Hanyou Is Not Easy

It was very late at night, and I was re-reading Harry Potter V.  As I was mentally strangling Umbridge, the phone rang.  I picked it up and said, "Hi Brownie Child, what's happening."

            "How did you know…never mind.  Listen, can you watch Inuyasha for a few days?"

            "Just him?"

            "He is being punished.  The rest of them are coming with me."

            "Ok, sure.  Send him over."

            "Thanks Ieva!  He'll get there in about 20 minutes.  See ya!"

            "May the Force be with you!" were my parting words as I hung up.  Then I turned to the closet, "Hey!  Jack!  Cloud!  Inuyasha's coming to stay with us for a few days!" and with that, I continued to read, awaiting Inuyasha's arrival.

~~~

            "You took my rum!"

            "Feh.  I didn't touch your stupid rum."

            "Well then where'd it go?"

            "How should I know?"

            "SHUT UP!  I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" I screamed as I sat up in bed.  My clock read 6:00, and I groaned, "How do you have the energy to fight this early in the morning?  Jack, leave Inuyasha alone.  You don't need your blasted rum right now, and Inuyasha didn't touch it.  And now you've gone and woken me up and I won't be able to get back to sleep.  We're going to the forest; you can fight all you want when we're there, on the condition that you don't kill one another.  Go get Cloud so we can leave." 

            My ears twitched as I got the teleportation spell ready, I just hoped that I wasn't too tired to work it properly.  Fortunately it did work, and I found myself in the calm pine forest that had become my own.  Inuyasha was off like a shot after some squirrel, while Jack and Cloud began their favorite sport: bickering.  I tuned them out and sat down to enjoy some peace (for once).

~~~

            Inuyasha sped after the squirrel, noting with a grin that it wasn't taking to the trees.  A stupid squirrel, then.  It was turning out to be a good day after all.  Suddenly, the squirrel leapt onto a tall stump and stopped.  Unable to stop himself, Inuyasha smacked into it face first.  He looked up, rubbing his head and very annoyed at the squirrel.  Then it started to tap-dance.  This is such unusual behavior for rodents that Inuyasha continued to stare at it, unaware of the thing creeping up behind him until it was too late and he had been hit by the mallet.  His eyes turned swirly and he fell over unconscious.  An evil voice chuckled, "Most excellent…" 

~~~

            It had been several hours since we had arrived at the forest, and I was ready to leave.  Jack and Cloud were some ways away having a sword fight, and I called them over.  I shouted for Inuyasha, but received no reply.  I yelled again and again, but Inuyasha didn't reply or come.  I sighed; he was probably lost in the forest.  

            "It figures that it's him who gets lost.  Oh man, Brownie Child's gonna kill me if we don't find him.  C'mon you two, let's start looking."

~~~

            Another hour had passed and it had started to drizzle.  I was tired and hoarse from repeated yelling for Inuyasha.  Now I was _wet_, too.  And too add insult to injury…

            "I want some rum!"

            "Shut up, Jack."

            "And I'm wet and tired and Cloud keeps poking me and…"

            "I SAID SHUT UP!" I whirled and fired ice at Jack, which he dodged.  I snarled and started kicking the nearest tree, "Where has that stupid half-demon GONE?!?  We've searched almost the entire forest and we haven't found him ANYWHERE! ARGH!" Then the piece of bark my foot hit sank into the tree and a tunnel opened up underneath me.  Needless to say, I fell into it (screeching all the way, I might add), down and down and down until I clattered onto a metal grille, "Owwwww…"

            "Do you think we should jump in after her?" asked Cloud.

            "Maybe you should go _first_!" replied Jack as he pushed Cloud into the tunnel.  Cloud has very quick reflexes, however, and grabbed onto Jack's foot, dragging him in too.


	2. Squirrels Are the Ultimate Evil

_Disclaimer: No, I do not own Inuyasha, Cloud, or Jack Sparrow. Happy now?_

The Missing Yasha Part Two: Squirrels Are the Ultimate Evil

Inuyasha opened his eyes slowly.  He remembered being hit in the head by something very big and seeing a tap-dancing squirrel.  Suddenly his eyes snapped open.  There was the squirrel just a few feet away!  He leapt forward, but hit a glass pane.  After a few moments of disorientation, he looked around him.  He was in a white box with one glass wall.  Along the top of the glass pane was a row of miniscule air holes.  Beyond the pane was a white hallway, and right beneath the window of his chamber was a lot of complicated machinery.  And walking along the hallway and dressed in white lab coats were…squirrels!?!  Inuyasha rubbed his eyes, but they were still just as squirrelly as before.  He sat down and clutched his head.  _It is a very good thing that Sesshomaru isn't here to see me imprisoned by squirrels.  Blasted rodents, they shall pay! _

            "Ahem," Inuyasha looked down to see a gray squirrel, larger than the rest, looking up at him and speaking through a microphone, "#789327, you are expected not to attack our scientists."

            "My name is Inuyasha!  Where am I?"

            "You are at the U.P.L.S.W.D., the Underground Plotting Laboratory for Squirrel World Domination.  You are now part of our Master Plan, to take over the world using an army of demons!"

            "Feh, you can't control me.  I'm not fighting for a bunch of squirrels with big ideas."

            "We can when we put _this_ on you!" the squirrel held up a black collar, "With this on, you shall be under our complete and total control!  Muahahaha!"  Inuyasha groaned; this was just perfect.

~~~

            I wasn't pleased.  Having two guys armed with pointy objects land on top of you generally makes one the exact _opposite of pleased.  At the moment I was berating them furiously._

            "And _then you bloody well go and __land on me!"_

            "Well he pushed…"

            "SILENCE!  Do NOT interrupt me when I'm ranting!" I glowered at Cloud for a second, and then the lights went out.  I jumped, my evil phobia starting to creep up on me, but then remembered about Cloud and Jack being right there.  So I put my hand behind my head in a very anime-ish style and said, "Ehe, shall we go and look around?"  

            "Of course we should, that is, if you're not too afraid of the dark…"

            "Shut up, Jack.  Let's go and try to find Inuyasha down here, he's obviously not anywhere in the forest."  

~~~

            Inuyasha was, in fact, sulking in his cell, pondering all the different ways of cooking squirrels.  The impudent little creatures were actually taking _notes_ on _clipboards while staring at him and muttering under their breaths.  That's when the lights went out.  Inuyasha couldn't care less, but the squirrels started running about in circles and yelling about a security breach._

            "Someone's found the Secret Entrance!  Initiate the security traps!"

            _Hey, maybe I'm being rescued from these furry rats!  Smart furry rats, I must admit.  A soundless alarm system that seems like just a regular blackout and…oh shoot, they mentioned security traps, didn't they.  Not good, especially if it's Ieva.  She'll walk right into them, dammit._

~~~

            Unfortunately for me, Inuyasha was right.  I had been leading the way, and clueless me walked past an infrared beam without noticing.  Next second, I'm suspended about eight feet up in the air in a plastic net.

            "CLOUD!  GET ME DOWN!"

            "Why me?"

            "BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE BLOODY 10 FOOT SWORD!"

            "Oh, right.  I forgot about that."

            It was but the work of a moment for Cloud to slice the net open, but I fell eight feet before colliding with the floor.  Needless to say, this hurt, but I didn't get to rant because there were footsteps coming down the hall in our direction.  The three of us just looked at each other and said "Run!"

~~~

            Inuyasha peered out the glass at the Head Squirrel, who was conversing with another scientist.  His ears twitched as he attempted to hear what they were saying.

            "We failed to trap the intruders, sir."

            "Drat, we'll have to begin the operation.  We have enough demons.  Not as many as I would have hoped, but we do have enough.  Start putting the collars on them."

            "Right away, sir."

            After a few minutes, a tiny door at the back of Inuyasha's cell opened and several squirrels marched in. He instantly attacked them, kicking them around the cell.  But two more entered, carrying metal sticks, and these only had to brush against him before he fell to the ground, paralyzed by the electricity.  He could only watch as one squirrel fixed a black collar around his neck.  As soon as the lock clicked, his mind was no longer his own.  A persuasive voice began speaking in his head.  _Find the intruders and bring them back here.  Go now, and search them out.  Like a robot Inuyasha stood up, and then walked quickly through the door.  He walked through the mazelike corridors with ease, the voice in his head telling him where to go.  When he reached the sliced net, he caught the scent of humans, and triumphantly took off at a run, following the obvious trail.  _


	3. But Why Is the Rum Gone?

_Disclaimer:  No, I do not own Inuyasha, Jack Sparrow, or Cloud.  Darn_

_Author's Note:  Yes, this is the final chapter of The Missing Yasha, aren't we all so sad.  I just wanted to finish it so it would stop nagging my brain every time I saw it sitting unfinished in My Documents._

**Chapter 3: But Why Is the Rum Gone?**

We had finally stopped to running, because one, apparently we weren't being pursued, and two, I was about to drop over dead.  However, we were completely lost.  And what's worse, there was someone coming down the hall at a fast pace.  

            "Ok, we are NOT running anymore.  Somehow, I think that a pirate, a goddess, and a…a guy with a big sword can hold off whoever it is.  I braced myself as the figure came barreling around the corner.  I dropped my guard with a relieved smile, it was only Inuyasha.  The guys looked slightly surprised, and pointed their weapons away, but Inuyasha didn't stop, he just went barreling right into Cloud, and started scratching and biting him.  

            "Inuyasha!  You stop that right now!" I shouted.  He just looked at me blankly, and I realized that he wasn't in his right mind.  He leapt at me, but I was ready, and zapped him, effectively encasing him in a block of ice.  "Well, now we've found him, we just need to find the exit."

            "Maybe Inuyasha knows a way.  You could use the pendant and see."

            "I don't think it counts, he's not technically asleep, just frozen.  Good idea, though," I said, stroking my silver dragon pendant.  It was very special, as it had a DreamStone concealed within it, allowing me access to a person's thoughts…but only if they're asleep (unconscious counts too, heeheehee).  "However, there is one way to get back to the forest."

            "What?"

            "I can teleport you baka.  Did you forget?" I rapped Jack's head with my knuckles, "Now hold Inuyasha up so I can include him in the spell."

            In a few moments we were out of the white hall and back in the forest clearing where I always went.  Fortunately, I had managed to teleport Inuyasha; I had wondered about the effect that the added weight of the ice would have on my spell.  I told Jack and Cloud to guard him while I went and got some rope from my house.  But when I got back, they were arguing and thoroughly not noticing the fact that Inuyasha was breaking out of the ice.  I clutched my head and canceled the ice spell, causing Inuyasha to fall over and allowing me enough time to tie him to a tree.  Then I shouted out the two guys about being too dense to notice anything and not following instructions.

            "And _you!" I said, turning to Inuyasha, "Are the biggest idiot I have ever seen!  You attacked us!  You __deserve to be tied to a tree and relive bad memories about Kikyo!  Where were you, eh?"_

            Inuyasha continued to snarl and attempt to break out of the ropes.  I wondered what the heck was wrong with him.  Hadn't Brownie Child talked about this sort of thing happening during the series?  I wished I could remember.  Jack seemed to be thinking along these lines too, because he started talking.

            "Didn't Dog Boy here get his soul sucked out once?  And that girl had to bring him back by…"

            "NO WAY!  I AM SO NOT KISSING HIM!  NEVER NEVER NEVER!" 

            "Well, got any other ideas?"

            "We could try getting this black thing off his neck," Cloud said nonchalantly.  

            "What, the osuwari necklace?  That doesn't come off, genius."

            "No, this other black thing."

            "Other black thing?" I looked at Inuyasha's neck and saw the evil squirrel mind control collar, "Hey, that wasn't there before…HAH!  SEE, I DON'T HAVE TO KISS HIM!  Cloud, cut it off!"

            "His head?" Cloud said hopefully.

            "NO YOU IDIOT!!!  THE COLLAR!!!"

            "Geeze, can't you take a joke?" Cloud lifted his sword, "Are you sure I can't cut off his head?"

            "NO!!!  HURRY UP AND GET THE BLOODY COLLAR OFF OR I'LL TIE YOU TO A TREE TOO!!!"

            "Drat," Cloud said as he easily severed the collar with his giant sword.  Inuyasha's eyes returned to their normal color, and he looked around confusedly.

            "Where'd those damn squirrels go?  Why am I tied to a tree?  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?" 

            "We rescued you.  What squirrels?"

            "These evil genius squirrels were trying to take over the world and they were studying me and they put a mind-control collar on me and then I woke up tied to a tree."

            "You _did steal my rum, didn't you!?!"_

            "I already told you; I didn't _touch_ your bloody rum!"

            I dragged Jack away from Inuyasha and whomped him over the head, "If I hear the word 'rum' from you again you will die.  Now you will all wait here and not kill each other.  I will be back shortly," I teleported away.

***

            I had teleported back to the squirrel headquarters, but this time to a different section.  Namely, the main power source: a hunk of glowing orange rock.  It was but the work of a moment to freeze the 5 squirrel guards and waltz right over to the Main Computer, which looked about as complicated as some of my Geometry formulas (in other words, really, really hard).  

            "I wonder if this works on the same basic principle as my laptop…" I said.  Only one way to find out, I reasoned.  So I did what normally works with most electronics; I hit it repeatedly until a box popped up on the screen, "Enter password?  I don't have that sort of patience!" so I pulled the plug out.  Instantly, everything around me went pitch black, and I zoomed through the separating door and grabbed the formerly glowing rock.  Then I teleported back to where the guys were, wondering what took those adventure guys so long to do the same thing I had just done in about a minute.

            "Okay, squirrel problem solved!  Let's go now."

            "Untie me first!"

            "Only when you tell me where my rum is!"

            I whomped Jack again and untied Inuyasha.  Before he could kill Jack, I teleported all of us back to my house.  Grounding all three of the guys to the closet, I leaned under my bed and pulled out a duffle bag.  Inside it were quite a few bottles of rum.  Cackling evilly, I wondered how long it would take Jack to find them if I hid them in a tall tree this time.

**The End**


End file.
